About Us

Health and Wellness

IF MAMA AIN’T HAPPY, AIN’T NOBODY HAPPY
Written by Cheri Bollman

Mother’s Day this year also included celebrating two of our kid’s birthdays. Nine of our eleven children met at the eleven o'clock church service to begin the festivities of the day.

While sitting in church, a friend approached me and showed me a picture of her beautiful cake that a gal made for her 19th birthday. Suddenly - AUGH – I forgot the birthday cakes !!! Double AUGH - I also forgot my daughter’s Sweet 16 birthday card. “What sort of mother could forget the cake and card . . . well, me !!!"

I quickly delegated cake buying to one son and ran to Hallmark to buy the card.

All my other kids informed me they were doing their gift shopping after church. So, the party began an hour later than planned. Which actually turned out to be an almost two hour delay.

‘Mother’s Day and trying to have Family Birthdays’ -- Stress was on top of a week of trying to sell property, a misunderstanding with an adult son, a difficult discussion with a friend, feeling disappointed for not organizing a Sweet 16 party for my youngest daughter who really wanted one, ensnared in argument for one daughter over the seven hours it took to restore her bedroom, driving with a teen son for his permit, living on half our normal income, deciding which keepsakes can be given away along with the memory it holds, evicting a relative, etc etc etc. and all while my husband was on an annual motorcycle trip with our church.

Okay . . . b r e a t h e . . . and b r e a t h e again.

Mom’s -- we are sandwiched relationally and financially between generations and between family members and between our kids coaches and teachers and between -- most everything that goes on in the family.

The stress can be overwhelming to say the least. And as we enter summertime, the thought of toddlers or teens home all day – vying with siblings – can put us into stress overdrive.

So what do you do, mom?

First, know that the human response to stress can vary from feelings of anger and control to withdrawal and depression. Once we recognize our own response to stress, we need to regulate our own emotions so that we can be a positive influence in our family members life.

Secondly, understand that our child’s emotions often adjust and synchronize to our adult emotions. So literally – ‘If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. “

Moms - getting our own emotions managed is one of the greatest gifts we can give our family. Our ability to remain calm during stress – regulated – offers our children the privilege of making mistakes, messes, arguments, and accusations to which we can maturely respond. This then gives us mindfulness to listen, understand, and communicate more effectively.

Cheri is trained in Crucial Conversations by Vital Smarts, a Certified Parent Instructor, BCI and Certified Parent Instructor, Love and Logic. She is the recipient of the Human Rights Award from VA Beach HRC and the Parents Day Award from the American Coalition of Virginia.
She has made appearances on Oprah, Good Morning America and ABC Family.

www.aCupofCoaching.com
cheri@aCupofCoaching.com
(757) 615-8110