Transformative Resiliency: Creating New Responses to Life’s Challenges Part 2
Written by Mary Elizabeth Lynch
 In my last article, I introduced the concept of transformative resiliency – the capacity to not only “bounce back” from a difficult situation or life experience, but also to respond to adversity in such a way that one becomes stronger, wiser, and more capable.
In order to make a significant change in the way we respond to life’s challenges, we need to understand how our minds work. What’s more we need to “build capacity” for learning and growing from our experiences. That will allow us to shape our minds in such a way that new and healthier responses to life become possible.
Science supports the principle of transformative resiliency. Neuroscience, which study the structure and capabilities of our brains, uses the term “neuroplasticity” to describe the human brain’s ability to overcome limiting habits and conditioning. Basically, we have an innate capability to create new “internal wiring” for more positive responses to life’s challenges. That, in turn, builds our capacity to become more resilient and gain new insights, as well as attain greater physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being.
But exactly HOW might we begin to “reprogram” our brains in order to build transformative resiliency? I would like to propose four steps, and they are easy to keep in mind if you remember the word “AIMS.” Just think: As a woman aims to transform her life, resiliency is a crucial ally.
• “A” is for appreciation. We are all faced with many difficult decisions and situations, and that is just a fact of life. It is also true that we are blessed in so many ways. Blessings can be as simple as a beautiful sunset, a child’s smile, or an encouraging word from a friend. They are all events to be recognized, celebrated and appreciated. There are so many wonderful experiences that happen to us, many of them in just the ordinariness of life. By remembering to appreciate the blessings in our lives, we have a first step toward transformative resiliency.
 • “I” is for ideal. Clarify your core values, which are the essence of your life’s ideal. What inspires and motivates you and the way you want to be with yourself and others? What is the spirit or energy you want to bring to life’s difficult situations? Oftentimes, we don’t even stop to think about how we would like to respond to life’s challenges. We are on automatic pilot and let our thoughts and emotions run away with us. Take some “spiritual time out” to clarify and even write down the core values that you want to have guiding your life. What is your ideal? What spirit or energy would you like to bring to adversity, so as to enhance the chances for honest communication, understanding, and cooperation? Maybe your ideal is based on the values of “peacefulness” or “love” or “joyfulness.” The key to transformative resiliency is to have an ideal to which you personally feel a deep connection. Then, when adversity strikes, you have a touchstone for re-grounding yourself. There may be only so much you can do to immediately change the adversity, and you can do only your part. But your part can be transformative if it comes from your core values and your ideal.
• “M” is for mindfulness. The regular practice of contemplation or reflection makes it all the more likely that you will see life with eyes of appreciation AND that you will respond to adversity from the perspective of your ideal. Make time for reflection in your life. Transformative change can happen in your busy life only when you make the space for it. Research studies have shown how mindfulness practices such as meditation, nature walks, deep breathing, conscious exercising, and other such mindfulness practices help us to slow down our reactive patterns, gain perspective, relax, and increase our emotional awareness, command, and control.
• “S” is for stop. When you catch yourself being emotionally upset with some adversity, take a 90 second time-out. It will show you how we are more than our emotions. According to Dan Siegel, a Harvard-trained clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA and co-director of its Mindfulness Center Research Center, it takes approximately 90 seconds for an emotion to pass through our bodies. Our emotions are powerful energies that affect our thoughts and our actions. If we can pause for just 90 seconds instead of acting on an emotion, we regain more command and control over our reactions. That can be a huge step toward building capacity for transformative resiliency.
So, remember your “AIMS” – appreciation, ideal, mindfulness, and stopping – and you’ll discover your capacity to turn adversity into a growth experience. These four practical steps will build your capacity to step back from your habitual responses to life’s challenges and begin to see new, more healthy ways to live.
Go to www.transformationANDcourage.org for details of workshop courses with Mary Elizabeth, including the October 28-30, 2011, Women’s Retreat, “The Soul of Resiliency: Building Capacity for Courage and Renewal.”
Mary Elizabeth Lynch, M.A., J.D., is a co-founder and president of the Personal Transformation and Courage Institute. A graduate of the University of Virginia School of Law, Mary Elizabeth practiced law and mediated legal disputes for many years. She now uses her legal skills, intuition and insight to help others clarify their highest intentions and Ideals. This opens the way for people to see themselves and their life situations in new and expanded ways, and helps them move through physical, emotional and mental patterns that stand in the way of fully expressing their gifts and talents in the world. |
