Sibling/family frictions may be caused by many factors. One factor is the legacy of family dynamics. There may be sibling rivalry that has existed since childhood. Old wounds, competition, and resentment may resurface. Even as adults, the siblings may still vie for the attention and affection of their loved ones.
Another factor is one sibling may be in denial regarding the illness. This denial may result in a pulling away or lack of involvement in the care that is needed and required. Pulling away protects them from the reality of having to face or cope with the illness and eventual death of their loved one. How many times have you heard “I just can’t stand to see Mom sick like that”? The siblings that are more active in the care may feel resentment, show anger and bitterness toward the sibling that is less involved.
 Most often problems surface when duties are unequally shared and distributed amongst siblings and other family members. There is usually one sibling who will become the primary caregiver. This is often times due to that particular sibling may live closest, or have fewer family or work responsibilities or at least it is perceived that they have fewer work and family responsibilities.
Consequently we are faced with a burned out, resentful and frustrated caregiver. This can lead to healthcare professionals attempting to assist families in resolving these conflicts. The healthcare professional recognizes that if these challenges are not resolved they may at times prevent a family from providing their loved one with the quality of care they deserve. The family has the desire to provide quality care but broken and strained relationships are preventing this from taking place.
I have included a few tips and suggestions for helping families come together and help each other:
• Communicate- be honest and open. The caregiver should express to other family
members that their help is not only wanted but is greatly needed.
• Create ways of keeping family informed. Use a notebook for keeping notes, a message board in the home or group e-mails.
• Expect that there will be differences in opinions. You know your siblings and family for whom they are.
• Tap into the individual strength/talent or knowledge of your siblings. For example the sibling who enjoys cooking could be responsible for meal preparation. The sibling who is great with finances could be responsible for legal work, community resources, etc.
• If family meetings are strained and confrontational seek the assistance of a mediator, counselor, or spiritual leader/minister etc.
• Seek outside assistance that can provide respite for the care giver.
• Express appreciation.
• Compromise and respect other’s opinions and perceptions that are different from yours.
• Lastly, understand and realize that you cannot control the actions of others, but you can forgive them for their lack of involvement in the of their loved one.
 The stress, uncertainty and hardships of an illness can ideally be a time when siblings and family come together and provide mutual support for each other. Laughing, talking and reminiscing about happier times promotes healing and unity.
Too often caregivers/families wait until they are overwhelmed or in a crisis situation before they seek assistance.
At Angel Care Private Duty Nursing Services we offer our families respite, support, and assistance with navigating through hurdles and limitations of our healthcare system as well as the extraordinary ongoing demands of taking care of loved ones.
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